A New Source Code

Let’s say you apply to an ultra-exclusive club, thinking that if you get in, you’ll be set. You will be the envy of all your friends and the “cool one”. So you spend hours and hours crafting the perfect application. You’re feeling hopeful and optimistic that this will change your life. Then you send it off.

And then a week goes by. Then two weeks. Then a month. You start to wonder what’s going on. “Why haven’t you heard anything yet?” Eventually, you get a message turning you down. They say that you’re not qualified enough. You don’t have the right characteristics they were looking for.

And you’re crushed.

But if you’re being honest, you knew it in your bones that this club wasn’t for you. And yet you plowed ahead anyway. If only you would’ve known earlier…

The truth is that you didn’t listen to the “whispers”.

The whispers are subtle signals that the path you are following is the wrong one. You might have a sequence of negative events happen throughout the process. Maybe you got splashed that day in the rain on the way to print the application. Or your computer shut down as you were trying to send off the application. These are all examples of the famous Murphy’s law. But you ignored those signals.

Every second, there are signals that are calling our attention. We are being guided constantly to make the right decisions but we ignore them. We are afraid of what might happen.

But what if we followed these signals? What if we recognized them and trusted that there might be a better way? Where might we end up instead?

My advice: Follow the whispers. You’ll always be glad you did.

“What’s your intent for the day?”

It’s a non-trivial question. In our rush to start and accomplish all the million tasks we have to do, we forget to ask: “Where are we going”? And “Why are we headed there? What’s the overarching purpose?”

Most of the time, we don’t think about moving with intent. We don’t decide how we want the day to be. So the day just unfolds as it does. In some circumstances, this is ideal. Like when you’re on vacation, for example. But maybe during your “regular day”, not so much.

Regardless of the kind of day that occurs, you must have an intent. A reason. A purpose. It may not work the way you hoped (most times it won’t), but you have to set the intention.

Because otherwise, what’s the point of getting up in the morning? Just to earn more money? Just to feed the kids?

You’re so much more than that. And deep down in your heart, you know it too.

So, what’s your intent?

Let’s say, you wanted someone to help you write a proposal. Instead they only send you an email detailing what key elements are in the proposal. That’s frustrating right? Or maybe for your birthday, your spouse gives you a gift when all you wanted was a compliment.

And so you resist. You get angry and disappointed. You feel frustrated that no-one understands you and your needs. If only you got it your way, things might work…

As a result you reject the help you’ve been given.

Too often, we spend our time resisting the help that comes. We think we know better. We think that if only we get it “our way”, everything will function beautifully.

But what if “your way” is wrong? What if you don’t necessarily know what you need? You forget that others may be seeing the problem differently that you are. And that they are providing help in the best possible manner. For you. 

The challenge then, is to accept the help. Exactly as it is sent. Let go of the expectation of what it “should” look like and receive as it is.

Will you accept the help?

I have a friend who does something quite curious. He enjoys to struggle to get something.

For example: He is quite attractive and women flock to him in droves. But he would not date a woman unless he has to put in some effort. He is also very smart and he can solve problems easily. But he only values the challenges that pull out all of his mental capacity.

Now that may be a superficial example (and admittedly a curious person) but I feel that generally, we have a similar mindset when it comes to attaining success.

There’s a pervasive belief that unless you’ve worked hard to get something, your success doesn’t count. That unless you’ve truly struggled, then it doesn’t count. If you’re a “struggler”, then you’re a real success.

Isn’t that flawed? 

The mindset that “success doesn’t come easy”, is flat out toxic. And just plain wrong. Sometimes, life works better than you expected. And in those moments, you just have to sit back and be grateful.

Do you need to struggle?

There’s a strategy that elite performers in any field do to achieve their results. It’s called “filling the form”.

They “fill the form” by completing the next possible step. When you’re in execution mode, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and confused. I have twenty five different things to do.. How will I do them all?

By filling the form. You do the smallest next step. You pick up the phone and call the other person. You send the email. You simply write down what needs to be done.

Surprisingly, your brain starts to relax and focus on the next task. By externalizing what needs to get done, you gain clarity and peace of mind, which puts you in a “flow” state. You’re able to work effortlessly.

Consider “filling the form” on your next project.

What is the smallest possible task that you can do to keep the ball rolling? How might you “fill the form” and get things done?

How many times have you gotten into a fight and wondered “Man, I shouldn’t have said that”?

Yeah we’ve all been there before.

Anger is an emotion that you always think you have under control. Until you don’t. In some respects, anger is like a volcano.

I’ve read countless books on controlling anger. They all say some version of: wait..do something else.. breathe..

And yet in my experience, anger is triggered to quickly to be able to manage it. So what should you do?

Release it. Let the volcano explode.

But there’s a catch… The catch is you have to release it away from a person. It can’t be directed to a person.

Since I’ve started doing it I’ve seen tremendous results. Maybe you can give it a try.

Release the anger – just away from people.

Think back to the last person you recently met. Can you remember their name?

Studies have shown that 70% of people forget the person’s name after the first meeting. That’s not too surprising in my opinion. It’s because we don’t pay attention the first time.

The key to remembering someone’s name is to pay attention. You have to repeat over and over in your brain until it’s stuck. But we’re lazy. We don’t want to do the work. We’re too busy planning what we’re going to say in order to hear the other person.

You can change this though.  It’s a 4 step process.

Step 1) You stop talking.

Step 2) You actually listen to what they have to say.

Step 3) You stop planning what you want to say.

Step 4) You repeat their name back to them.

That’s it.

The key to paying attention is to stop talking. Stop listening to your internal voice and allow the other person to speak.

You’ll be amazed at the results.

 

I thoroughly enjoy working with designers. They are quirky, eclectic and always interesting. But most of all, I enjoy working with them because they think visually. 

What does that mean?

When they describe a problem, they give themselves permission to draw. They sketch ideas out. They use post-it notes and whiteboards.

This is valuable because there’s no confusion about what their ideas are. I can literally see it. This means I can spend time adding to their ideas, rather than trying to understand them.

How many times have you sat in a meeting and wondered: “What the hell are they saying? I just can’t see what they’re talking about.” Well, drawing it out on a whiteboard solves that problem.

Now what if you can’t draw?

Well, I’m no artist, but I think I can draw a good stick figure. And surprisingly, stick figures help you understand that you’re trying to solve a real person’s problem. It’s easy to get distracted with the numbers and forget that you’re solving for people.

This is one of the reasons that blogs like waitbutwhy.com have such a cult following. The authors use their stick figures to explain very difficult topics. And that ensures that everyone “gets” it.

For me the challenge isn’t, “Can you think visually?” We all know you can. Anyone can draw a stick figure, circle, triangle and a square.

The question is: Will you?

A routine is a habit or a pattern that you do consistently. Now, we all have them. You might have a routine for waking up or a routine for going to sleep. You may even have a routine for driving to work.

Most of the time, we don’t think to update these routines. We prefer to save energy and just run on autopilot. Which is why according to some estimates, we spend almost 40% of our day following these routines.

This isn’t necessarily bad. This energy-saving mechanism actually frees up our brain to become creative in new situations. That’s actually a blessing and an evolutionary advantage.

The challenge is that we don’t recognize that from time to time we need to update them. And nowhere is this more important than when we’re at work.

At work, we go through the same steps daily to finish our projects. Here’s a typical routine:

We receive a task. We complain about the task. We procrastinate on starting the activity. Then we start. Then we get distracted. We then switch tasks. Then a colleague interrupts us. Then we restart. Then we get an email. Then we restart.

As you can imagine, this is not atypical of getting work done in the modern environment. Distractions are to be expected. However, to adapt to the modern environment, we must   update our work routine. 

Let’s say we receive a task. Instead of complaining, we can get excited for the task. Or instead of getting distracted, we can single task to get things done. Or instead of allowing colleagues to interrupt us, we can go to a private corner of the office. And we can work.

Any of these changes, interrupts our normal routine. Any of these changes makes us better at our jobs. And that’s what we must do if we want to do great things.

The question is: Will you update your work routine?

I have my mom here with me this week. Having her around has historically caused me to have negative feelings. “Why is she always cramping my style?”

But this time, all I feel is gratitude. So this will get a little personal today. My apologies.

Mom, I’d like to say a heartfelt : THANK YOU.

Thank you for always believing in me and supporting me. There have been times that I felt like I couldn’t go on. But your support lifted me and gave me an extra burst of energy.

Thank you for always challenging me to be better. There have been many moments when I wanted to settle for the easy way out. But you never allowed me to drop my standards.

Thank you for showing me what hope looks like. There have been moments when I thought that I couldn’t see the light at the end. But you inspired me to keep my optimism up and reach for the stars.

I could go on and on. But the core message I want to say is: Thanks. And I love you.

Here’s to many more years of us growing closer and closer together!