A New Source Code

In the Broadway play “Hamilton”, there is a song that might make you cry. It’s the last song. The title of it is : Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story?

It might make you cry because it captures all the emotions of one word: Legacy.

What do you want your legacy to be?

It’s not a thought that you think about regularly. And why would you? Legacy only pops into your mind when a CEO leaves a company or when someone dies. It’s because you assume that you’ll live forever. That death is always some faraway point in the future.

But what if you started with the legacy you want to leave and worked backwards? How would you live your life then?

You’d probably start by thinking about what you wanted posterity to say about you. Do you want them to say you were lazy? That you didn’t achieve your dreams? That you gave up along the way?

No. You’d probably want them to talk about how courageous you were. Or how forgiving you were. Or how loving you were.

And if that’s the case, then you better be thinking about your legacy all the time. Because now you have the power to write the story that they tell. Now, you can actually do something that will encourage them to talk about you.

The last song from Hamilton always makes me cry. It humbles me because I truly feel powerless about the story that people tell about me. 

But it inspires me to live the life that makes posterity want to tell a story about me. It inspires me to leave a legacy that matters.

How will they tell your story?

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t swan dive off a cliff.

First, jumping off a cliff is scary. The fact that you’ve even decided to jump off a cliff shows that you are already doing something “risky”. You’re at least 30 feet in the air. “Better to jump down the normal way so that you don’t hurt yourself”, you tell yourself.

But what if you accepted that the dive wouldn’t and couldn’t hurt you? That any discomfort you’d feel would be temporary and that you’d recover perfectly? How would you react then?

I know what you’d do. You’d swan dive right off the cliff.

Yes, a swan dive is an act of supreme confidence. But what you’re really doing is putting up a middle finger to the fear of getting hurt. You’re saying to the world: You can’t touch me! I’m going to have some fun!

When was the last time you felt that feeling? When was the last time you went head first into an activity or project because it’s fun? It’s probably been a while, I’d imagine.

Why?

Because of your fear that you’ll get hurt. Because of your guilt that you’re not being an adult. Because you “should” do the smart thing. Swan diving is for kids (or idiots).

The reality is that the choice to swan dive is always available. If you choose to release that story you’re telling yourself, you can say yes to having fun. You can swan dive into life.

Which person will you choose to be?

 

When Navy Seals create a training program for a mission, they have a rule. It’s a simple one but it’s one that they always follow.

They always train harder than reality.  They create drills that are more difficult, more complex, more tiring than what they will actually face.

Why?

Because in the fog of war, they know that: “You don’t rise to your expectations. You fall to the level of your training”.

Which begs the question: How hard are you training? 

You want to become a writer. Are you writing every day, practicing your craft? You want to become an amazing leader. Are you journaling every day about your leadership challenges? You want to create mind-blowing products. Are you creating any sketches on your problems daily?

What holds you back from becoming better, is the fear of training. Let’s be honest: you like being comfortable, you like the convenience you currently have at your fingertips. It’s easier to spend 30 minutes on Instagram than it is to sit down and train to improve.

But if success is what you’re after, then don’t expect it to fall into your lap. You must train. And you must learn to love the training for its own sake. Because how else will you have the motivation to continue for as long as it takes?

Here’s my advice: Train hard. Harder than you think you should. So that when you’re in the heat of battle, you can fall to the level of your training.

How hard are you training?

 

 

 

Remember when you first learned about rain and rain clouds? If you were curious (which I’m sure you were) you would have asked your parents all about them. “Why does the sky turn grey?” “Where does the water come from?” Or my favorite one: “When will it go away?”

Your parents might have answered your questions or they might have shooed you away. It depends on the kind of parenting style your parents used on you. But either way, you learnt a fundamental thing about rain clouds:

If you wait patiently, they eventually go away. 

Now why is this relevant?

Think back to the last time you were unsure of a negative situation. Maybe you just broke up with your partner and you were unsure if you would find another relationship. Or maybe you were looking for a new job for months with no success in sight.

In these situations, you felt the fear of the unknown. You craved the certainty of knowing when something would end.

But the key to handling them successfully is thinking of them as rain clouds. And if it’s a rain cloud, then you know: It will eventually pass too.

You can relax because you know it will end. All you have to do is wait patiently for the sun to shine through again. You’ll eventually return to normal and can deal with the next challenge.

So the question is:

Can you wait?

For something that happens daily, you’re probably not very good at talking to strangers. And I agree with you: meeting strangers can be weird.

There is the initial awkwardness when you start talking to them. You both fumble around trying to find things in common. You both ask shallow questions like “What do you do?” Or “Where are you from?” Or “Who do you know?”

Then there is a lag before you start sharing ideas that you really want to talk about. You rarely share how you feel about your job on the first day. Or what you wish you could do if you had unlimited time. Or who you really want to become if you had the opportunity.

Now, why don’t you get this deep when you first meet them? It’s because you believe that strangers are evil. Maybe you wouldn’t say that out loud, but deep down, you’ve learned not to trust them. Your parents and teachers told you never to talk to strangers. That you must always be wary of them. And you because you trusted your parents, you internalized that belief.

But what if you assumed that strangers were already your friends?

If you assumed this, you would interact differently with them. You would be open and giving. You would tell them exactly how you feel and then listen wholeheartedly to what they say. You would share your items with them.  You would even invite them over to meet your friends and family.

What stops you from interacting with strangers freely, is that you call them, “strangers”. Call them your friends, and everything would be different. People would feel the difference and respond to you in kind. You would even make friends with an ease that would surprise you. 

All you need to do, is make the mental shift.

What if they were already your friends?

In 2017, a hip hop mogul and a hotshot tech entrepreneur decide to launch a music festival. They invite the biggest Instagram influencers and models to a remote island in the Bahamas to promote their festival. They shoot fantastic videos and orchestrate a remarkable marketing campaign to sell out the festival. It’s setting up to be a huge success.

Without giving the story away, let’s just say, it doesn’t quite go as planned. Our hero has a unique gift and vision which manages to have everyone around him transfixed. Each person around him ignores their inner voice of wisdom to achieve his dream. Even when they realized, the project was doomed.

The one thing I kept asking myself when I heard this story was: Why couldn’t anyone just say “NO”? 

And then it dawned on me. The ability to say “No” is like a muscle. You have to practice it. 

Society has tricked us into believing that you can’t say “no” without feeling guilty. You must always say “yes” to people, otherwise they won’t like you. You can see this in the daily media. You can hear this in schools. You even see it in the workplace. Society plays on the fear that you will be ostracized from the “group” on some level.

And the remarkable thing is: That’s complete B.S. You always have the option to say “No”.

The key to saying no in difficult situations, is to practice saying no in the easy situations. When someone requests that you stay back late for the work project, you can say, “No, I’m going to home.” When someone asks you to attend their party, you can say “No, sorry I can’t come.” When a friend asks you for help finishing their meal, you can say, “No sorry, I’m full.”

Unless you practice saying “No” regularly, you won’t be able to say it during the most challenging situations of your life. And then you’ll wonder to yourself, “Why did I end up in this situation?” Oh right… It’s because you were afraid of the repercussions of saying “No”.

It’s just a simple two letter word. Remove all the fear and drama associated with it. It doesn’t serve you.

Can you say “No”?

Psychologically, boxing is one crazy sport. Two fighters willingly go into a ring to face off to get punched in the face. It’s not for the faint of heart. But it definitely provides some interesting thoughts on motivation and courage. 

After every round in a boxing match, there’s a pause. The fighters go to their specified corner to get a breather. From a psychological perspective this is the best part of the match. You can visibly see which fighter is exhausted and which one is feeling confident. You get to determine which one wants to win more than the other.

And you get to see which “corner” does a better job motivating their fighter.

You see one corner shout and talk to their fighter: “Come on! You’re better than him. You can do it.. Just keep at it. You’re the best in the world.” And then you watch as the camera pans to the other corner, where the coach calmly says to his fighter: ” Is that the best you can do?”

A clear case of External vs. Internal motivation. And guess what?

The internally motivated fighter wins every single time. 

Now, how does your “corner” talk to you? What do your friends, your family or your “fans” say to you? Do they tell you that you’re the greatest, you’re better than anyone else?

Or do they hold you to a higher standard? Do they challenge you by asking you to show them your best?

Because at the end of the day, you’re really fighting against yourself. Your lower nature. Your laziness and your fears. Your “Resistance”. And this enemy is only defeated when you focus on the best you can possibly do.

The fight within is the only fight that matters. And your challenge is to create a corner that holds you to this higher standard. You must build a team of supporters who constantly ask you:

Is that the best you can do?

 

Remember when you used to play in the sandbox as a child? Your parents would put you in the sandbox and watch you play there for hours and hours. They clapped as you enjoyed playing in the sandbox. For them, it was convenient and comfortable. They could watch you in peace.

Eventually you got older and then you wanted absolutely nothing to do with the sandbox. You found that the sandbox was too limited for you and you needed more. You screamed and complained and then your parents let you do more. You graduated to the jungle gym and then maybe to playing sports or dancing. You enjoyed the challenge of doing more.

Now you might be older, but I have some bad news for you: you’re still playing in the sandbox. 

Society has told us that we should want a convenient and comfortable life. Maybe you want a nice house. A bigger raise. More time for leisure. More experiences.

And that’s understandable. In fact, you were rewarded for wanting what society said was good, every step of the way. You got gold stars for doing well in school, then for going to university and graduating with a degree. You got gold stars for getting a job, for finding your spouse, and getting married. You even got gold stars for having children and repeating the cycle.

However, you’re not encouraged to do much else outside of this box. The people in charge of society want you to stay there. It’s easier for them to handle. 

And it all stems from a simple belief that society and the media reinforce daily: You can’t make a better system. That you have no personal power to make a better system.

People will tell you it’ll take too long. Or it’ll be too difficult. Or it’ll take too much effort. Or that it’s not safe to change their system.

But what if you changed that belief? What if you believed that you could create and design your own system? What would you do differently? How would you live?

Would you still play in the sandbox? 

 

The next time you read any book, I suggest that you start by reading my favorite section. The Acknowledgements section.

To me, it’s a poignant reminder that the author recognizes that she couldn’t do it without support. Even though the actual writing process was a solitary activity, she was doing it for someone.

When you read the acknowledgements section, it makes you ask yourself :

Who are you doing it for?

In your day to day, you normally don’t think to answer this question. There are a million demands on your time. You might have to send out that proposal. Or you might have to rush to go to the gym. Or you might have to cook dinner after a long day at the office.

But every once in a while, it’s nice to step back and ask yourself : Who are you doing it for? Maybe you’re writing that proposal to help your boss get a promotion. Maybe you’re going to the gym so that you can be fully present for your children. Or maybe you’re cooking dinner because you want to make your partner smile.

When we forget who we’re doing it for, it’s easy to get resentful. It’s easy to criticize and complain when you don’t get help. It’s easy to get caught in a mindset of “Why am I always working?”.

But when you remember who’s it for, you get a tremendous burst of energy. You become a larger person. You feel motivated to do more. To have more. To be more.

And that’s reward enough.

So… who are you doing it for?

Andrew Carnegie is one of my heroes. He was the second richest American in history. He built his money, the good old fashioned way; with lots of hard work, and (let’s be honest) a whole heaping of luck. He was truly in the right place at the right time.

But what impresses me the most, is that he always had a philanthropic mindset. He always believed that giving back to others who were less fortunate. By the time he died, he gave away almost 90% of his fortune. This was almost $350 billion dollars!! When you read his story, you can’t help but be inspired to think like he did.

Now think about it, how often do you give back? How often do you see someone less fortunate than you and feel inspired to give?

What’s really holding you back from giving, is fear. The fear that you don’t have enough and will never have enough.

But those fears don’t hold water. If you’re reading this, then chances are you have more than enough. You at least have internet and a computer/phone. You probably have some food, water and housing as well. That’s already more than enough to give.

Don’t let those fears keep you from sharing your wealth with others. Even if you can only share your time and attention, that’s enough. You’re more abundant than you think.

Give back. You’ll be so glad you did.